Sunday, December 13, 2009

Case of the Angry Suburbian

Last night was my flag football's holiday night out. So the players of TDMP (touch down my pants) took to Lincoln Park's ComedySportz improv show. I was expecting, as one might, that this was an improv about sports... but alas, I was corrected. This was a competitive show, complete with two different improv teams and a referee. Of course, this was no Second City... but it was funny - and a lot of fun.

The surprises, however, didn't stop at ComedySportz. Post performance the team headed around the corner to Trader Todd's to take a shotski for our friend's birthday and maybe sing a karaoke song or two. It was there that I surprisingly almost broke my no-meeting-boys-in-December rule.
As the shotski parted and the crazy karaoke guy stopped singing "She's Like Wind," I spotted who we'll call "Suburban Adam." Tall, good looking... nicely dressed... good looking. There wasn't too much of a thought process before talking to him. Conversation was flirtatious... we were hitting it off. Then my friends pulled me on stage to sing some embarrassing rendition of a song that people once liked. Awesome. Not the smoothest part of this story.

Long story short (and I do realize this is becoming a long story), I approach Suburban Adam while noticing he was sitting by himself at a table by the window. We start talking, and I find out he's a high school teacher in the suburbs and 29 years old. High school teacher (and over the age of the avg. Lincoln Parker) = hot. Suburbs = not... but times are tough, and I understand that sometimes teachers have to go to crazier places than the Chicago suburbs to get jobs. I go on and invite him and his friend to next week's Christmahanakwanza Ugly Sweater Nativity Bar Crawl... and things are all headed in a good direction.

Given that him and his friend are in the city... let alone Trader Todd's... I take it that, like every other 20-something (or 30 or 40-something) I know who is stuck in the suburbs, that they are just looking for their break into the city limits. I was sadly mistaken.

I'm not sure when or how this conversation took a turn for the worse... but all of a sudden, and what seemed to be out of no where, Suburban Adam gets on his soap box... and begins to tell me about why living in the city would be his hell on earth. How there's so many people, it's so crowded and expensive, verbal vomit, insanity talk, etc. Clearly I can't control my facial expressions, because after this what-seemed-to-be 10 minute tirade, he stops, commenting, "What? You look like I just told you I have some disease." My reply being, "You do know I live in the city, right? I've just never met someone IN the city who has no intention or even desire to move here."
Then enters one of the TDMP boys to save me. He tries to strike up conversation with SA, and in doing so, stirs up this anti-Windy City conversation again. We politely let Suburban Adam know that it was nice meeting him... and run far, far, far away. Even TDMPer admitted that SA was really starting to piss him off. I mean... I wouldn't go out to the suburbs and talk about how culdesacs give me panic attacks. It's just rude.

Sooo much potential, but so lame. This is the sad state of affairs for a single gal in the city. Another story to bring home to the aunts, uncles and cousins in Ohio when they ask me if I'm seeing someone.

Have you ever met someone with these same pro-suburbian thoughts in Chicago? Could this be a new movement out to the land of strip malls, garages, baby showers and Wal-Marts? I don't know what to take of this new information...

And needless to say, I don't expect to see them at our pub crawl.


My Peeps


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